Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How To Receive Criticism Like A Champ Pt 2


by MARK ALTROGGE on MARCH 21, 2012

If you read last week’s post on receiving criticism, I’m sure it changed your life and you are now the most humble person you know, desirous of the correction and input of others.

You freely admit, “I’m not smarter than a fifth-grader and I’m a worse sinner.”  You now view everyone who critiques you as a valuable friend.  “Thank you for smiting me in love,” you gush when corrected.
Right.
Well, we’ll keep trying.  Like I said last week, I don’t love being corrected.  But Jesus can help us grow.  Here are a few more suggestions.
- Don’t be quick to defend yourself. “Hey I thwacked Junior on the head with my iPad because he had a bad attitude!”  Don’t make excuses: “Well, I didn’t actually lie.  It was theater.  You know, drama.  I just exaggerated a little bit for effect.”  Sometimes it’s fine to offer reasons for our actions, but defensiveness usually comes from pride.
- Don’t write someone off because they fail to deliver criticism perfectly. “Hey!  You corrected me harshly!  Your stinking attitude invalidates all you said.”  Even if they sin, make your primary focusyour failure, not theirs.  You can talk about their sin some other time.
- Ask clarifying questions. Don’t require them to produce video footage, finger prints, and DNA evidence before you accept what they say, but if they have some examples that could help you see more clearly, welcome them.
- Watch your facial expression and body language. I know, your face feels like it’s going to crack into a thousand pieces.  Don’t sit there with your arms crossed and an “I dare you to say something negative” scowl on your face.  Try not to start breathing heavily when someone is correcting you, like a snorting bull.  Remember, you’re trying to make it easy for them.
- If you see what they’re saying, acknowledge it. James says, “Confess your sins to one another.”  Say, “You’re right, honey.  I should not have thwacked Junior on the head with my iPad.  I was angry and that was sin.  Junior, would you please forgive Daddy for his anger and for thwacking you on the head?  I won’t thwack you any more.  And anyway, my iPad’s broken now.”
- If you can’t see what someone is saying, don’t immediately write it off. You could say, “I’m having a hard time seeing what you’re saying right now, but I certainly could be wrong.  I know I have blind spots.”  Another thing you can do is ask others if they have observed the same thing.  Good chance if one person has seen a weakness or fault of yours, others have too (thanks Julian Freeman for this addition!).
- Ask them to please point it out again if you do it again. Because most likely you will.
Bottom line – we all need correction, input, reproof, adjustment, suggestions and help.  A wise man or woman grows wiser by receiving these from others.  OK, now go out there and get criticized!

How To Receive Criticism Like A Champ


by MARK ALTROGGE on MARCH 14, 2012

I don’t love to be criticized or critiqued.  I must admit, I don’t love “input.”

I think this goes back to my Intro to Design class in college.  One day Dr. Grinchwold (named changed) walked past my desk, looked disdainfully at my project, a 3-dimensional paper fly (which was brilliant, by the way), and muttered something.  “Excuse me, what did you say?” I asked.  To which he replied for the whole class to hear, “I said, ‘Do you have a match?’  Because you should burn that thing.”  I was stunned, mortified and humiliated.  I wanted to say, “If I had a match I’d light your pants on fire,” but I didn’t.
Or maybe it goes back to when I was a teenager and my Dad criticized my taste in music – “Sounds like somebody pounding on a bunch of pots and pans!”  Tactful.  He actually came to like a few of the Beatles’ songs years later.  But his comments didn’t cause me to listen to more of the Glenn Miller Orchestra.
My wife is very encouraging, but graciously confronts me about my sin at times. (There’s a lot more she could confront me about but doesn’t).  After all these years I still don’t love to be corrected.  My initial instinct when she asks, “Can we talk about something?” is to want to say, “Didn’t we just talk about something 12 years ago when the kids were little?” But I always don my teachable face and say, “Sure, honey” while thinking on the inside, “Now what?  Can’t you just let me watch ‘My Strange Paranormal Wedding Storage Unit’ in peace?”
And after 31 years as a pastor, though I should be used to feedback, I still squirm when told my opening preaching illustration was lame or my counsel didn’t part the clouds and cause angels to sing.  I want to be like the pastor in “The Andy Griffith Show” and stand outside my church every Sunday, shaking people’s hands as they leave and they say, “Wonderful message, pastor!”  And I reply, “Why thank you, Bee.  You take care of Andy and Opie this week, y’hear?”
David actually prayed for God to people to correct him.
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it. (Psalm 141:5)
I don’t remember the last time I asked God to send people to rebuke me.  But if David prayed for it, it must be good.

So how should we receive criticism?  Here are 5 suggestions:

-If it comes from a believer, view it as a kindness – oil for your head – an act of love.  Ask God to help you receive it and not refuse it.  Or start openly crying, which is embarrassing.  Be a man – be like David – “Let a righteous man strike me; it is a kindness.”
–Make it easy for people to bring stuff to you. It’s not easy to talk to someone about their sin or weakness.  Thank them and assure them you’re glad they’d share with you.  (And pray that you really would be glad!)  Then you can hit the trapdoor button to drop them into the cellar.
–Remember you’re a sinner. Hate to break it to you, but you will actually blow it from time to time.  Last I checked, none of us have been completely sanctified yet.  Except for my sister, who I think may have sinned once in her entire lifetime.  But the rest of us will sin.  We’ll blow it.  We don’t do everything perfect.  And even if I’m criticized unjustly for something, there’s plenty of other things I should be criticized and judged for, but won’t be, for Jesus paid for all my sins and failures.
There’s almost always some truth in every criticism, even if it’s inaccurate or given poorly. There may still be something valuable for you to learn.  There’s some reason they are perceiving things this way.  Though Professor Grinchwold did humiliate me, my 3-d fly was kind of dumb.
– Don’t be wise in your own eyes. Assume people see things you can’t. We all have blind spots.  There could be something you’re missing.
Now if you need to give someone criticism today, try to find a tactful way to put it.  Try to be gentle and kind.  For example if you’re critiquing a blog post like this one you might say, “Got a match?”
To be continued…

How To Run An Elder's Meeting

This from Andrew Davis for the Gospel Coalition - jk:


The apostle Paul never lost his sense of wonder and amazement that the Lord would call him out of the darkness of Satan's kingdom to serve the resurrected Christ. He called his ministry "grace" several times (e.g. Ephesians 3:2 ), and regularly ascribed his calling as an apostle to the grace of God: "By the grace of God I am what I am" (1 Corinthians 15:10 ). Paul knew he deserved the eternal condemnation of God for destroying God's church, and yet God by his grace gave him the privilege of building God's church (1 Corinthians 3:10 ). So it is today with the elders of a church. God by his grace has saved each elder, covering his sins by the blood of Christ and putting in his heart the hope of eternal glory in Christ. As if this isn't enough, God lavished on us a ministry of meaningful service to Jesus and his people as elders. Thus we are delivered from the emptiness of a meaningless life and called to build something that will last for eternity. Elders should be overwhelmed with thankfulness every single day for the great privilege of serving Christ in this way.
No elder is called to this task alone, for God has called elders to minister with other qualified men as a group in a local church. The plurality of elder leadership in every local church is established inTitus 1:5 : "The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you." These men must lead the church in a harmonized way, with cooperation and collective wisdom.  In the real world, this requires a regular pattern of elders' meetings to discuss and pray over all aspects of church life for which they are accountable to Christ. The purpose of this article is to discuss practical elements of elders' meetings so that God may be maximally glorified by them. I will discuss the consecration of elders' meetings, their content, and their conduct. Briefly, by consecration, I mean that the elders should set themselves apart as holy to the Lord for this service, and should set apart their meeting times for his glory and the edification of the church by the ministry of the word of God and prayer. By content, I mean the actual topics of discussion and decision elders will entertain during their meeting. I will argue that there are four main headings:
  1. Shepherding (in which the spiritual and physical conditions of Christ's sheep are addressed)
  2. Prayer (in which those needs and the needs of the church generally are lifted up directly to God for wisdom and his gracious blessing)
  3. Discernment (in which the past/present direction of the church is assessed, and in which the future direction of the church is charted, all by the Spirit and Scripture)
  4. Ministry management (in which details of administration relevant to the life and ministry of the church are decided)
By conduct, I mean how the meeting should be conducted, both practically and in submission to the Spirit of God.

Consecration

In the Old Covenant sacrificial system, items used solely for service to God in his Tabernacle were said to be "Holy to the Lord." This was especially true of the High Priest himself, for the words "Holy to the Lord" were engraved on a golden plate fastened to the turban he wore on his head. Similarly, in their hearts the elders should set themselves spiritually apart unto God for the great work of shepherding God's people, and should see the time of the elders' meeting as sacred. This will prevent the elders from acting in a purely secular manner as they meet, from acting more like a board of directors for a Fortune 500 company than ministers of the Word of God and instruments of Christ's grace to his people. In Acts 6, the apostles summarized their ministry focus in this way: "We will devote ourselves to prayer and the ministry of the word" (Acts 6:4 ). Though I will argue that other things are also rightly part of elder ministry in a local church, these are primary. Therefore, it is important for the elders to see themselves as set-apart vessels of God's grace and see the meeting as a vital part of how the Lord is directing and building his church through them.
The elders should keep in mind that they will be called to account for the people of the flock entrusted to their care (Hebrews 13:17 ), and should be zealous to serve now in such a way that they will be delighted to give that account. Furthermore, when the elders gather, they should dedicate the meeting to the Lord in prayer. Often throughout the meeting, they should seek to return to a powerfully spiritual sense of their work in Christ. A secular demeanor or pragmatic worldly approach to the elders' meeting must be ruled out entirely. Also, since the ministry of the Word of God is such a major part of the practical work of elders, it is important to keep coming back to the centrality of the Word in the life of the church. Elders are specifically set apart unto God to minister the indispensable Word to the body of Christ, preparing God's people for works of service so the body of Christ can be built up (Ephesians 4:11-12 ). Consecrate yourselves and your meeting to the crucified and resurrected Christ and the life-giving ministry of the Word!

Content

So what should occupy the attention of the elders during their meeting? Acts 6 teaches us plainly that elders should not get involved with some details of church life, even though they have great potential to harm church unity if not attended to properly. The commitment of Acts 6:4  cited above shows the need to filter out such details before the meeting occurs. This is a great part of the ministry of godly deacons in the life of the church---to free the elders from needing to address practical details that could consume their time. Part of the work of elders in "ministry management" is to entrust as many of these kinds of practical details as possible to godly deacons, so that the elders' meeting is not burdened with them.
Beyond this important filtering, I would argue that the content of elders' meetings should comprise the four main headings listed above: shepherding, prayer, discernment, and ministry management. In all of these areas, the ministry of the Word must be kept central.
Shepherding: The elders are given spiritual oversight of souls. It is the elders' responsibility to ensure that each of God's people entrusted to their care is thriving spiritually. This implies a positive and negative aspect: positively, is the ministry of the Word in the church as powerfully anointed as it should be to sustain the faith of Christ's sheep and help them grow in grace and the knowledge of Christ (2 Peter 3:18 )? Negatively, are any of Christ's sheep straying into sinful patterns that require intervention and discipline? Here, specific names are mentioned, specific situations are discussed. Is anyone struggling with discouragement? Is anyone lonely or isolated? Is anyone drifting away from Christ? What are patterns of attendance at church?
Other questions include: Anyone missing recently? Is anyone toying with unbiblical doctrine through a recent bestselling paperback they bought at Barnes and Noble? Are the widows' needs being met? Are any faint-hearted, shrinking back from some course of action God commands? Is anyone suffering medically? Are there any sick people whom the elders should visit and pray over as James 5 instructs? Are there broken relationships in the church needing reconciliation?
In facing all these various conditions, the elders are seeking God's wisdom in understanding what is the wisest course of action: does the individual need instruction? Encouragement? Admonishment? Rebuke? Correction? Praise? If so, which elders would be the best to give the needed ministry? Who is specifically going to do what and by when?
Of special interest are possible cases of church discipline the elders have been called on to manage. In all of this shepherding, the elders should have an up-to-date church directory, and throughout the week be praying daily through it to keep aware of ongoing needs and be sure that no one slips through the cracks. Also, the elders should keep a running "Ministering and Shepherding List" for their eyes only that contains a running list of issues that have reached their attention. Thus they can look back a week, a month, or several months to be sure that older issues are still being cared for. Along with this, it is vital for elders to keep in mind the need for strict confidentiality in discussing shepherding matters.
Prayer: Samuel said, "Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you" (1 Samuel 12:23 ). Having discussed key shepherding issues, it is essential for the elders to then commit these to the Lord in prayer. God alone can change the hearts of sinners. God alone can give wisdom and guidance for other issues the church is facing. The elders should give a good amount of time to intercessory prayer for the people, not merely a token prayer at the beginning of the meeting. As elders listen to each other pray, their own hearts are enlarged in new ways, growing in love for the people being prayed for. Beyond a scheduled time of intercessory prayer for shepherding issues, the elders should be ready to pray throughout their meeting as the Spirit leads---for discernment and for ministry management, which is ahead in the elders' meeting. Elders should be especially zealous to pray for wisdom when there may be a disagreement or an important matter of vision or direction to be resolved.
Discernment: In this section of the meeting, the elders are seeking to evaluate past/present ministry according to God's Word and according to the leadership of the Spirit, and to discern God's direction for future ministry. Elders must be constantly evaluating the various ministries of the church to be sure they are maximally fruitful. Jesus says of the Father, "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful" (John 15:2 ). When it comes to the ministries of the church, the Father communicates this pruning most clearly through the elders. The elders must especially focus on the effectiveness of the church's ministry of the Word in bringing souls to Christ and bringing Christians to maturity in him. The elders must seek to be sure their corporate ministry is maximizing the spiritual gifts of the people. In the same way, the elders are called upon to discern God's plans for the future of their church. In Revelation 3:8 , God spoke to the faithful church in Philadelphia, "Behold, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut." Paul spoke in 1 Corinthians 16:9  of a wide door of effective work opened for him. It is given to the elders to discern these open doors and to determine how the Lord is leading the church to move through those doors. This refers to new ministries the Lord is calling on the church to begin, and how/when best to begin them. Again, this can only be done through prayer and consistent reference to the Word of God as the standard by which all ministries must be measured.
Ministry Management: The word management may be a stumbling block to some, who feel it may be too worldly a word for such a spiritual ministry. However, 1 Timothy 3:5 says, "If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" The word manage is proistemi, meaning to be set over, preside, rule over, manage the affairs of. 1 Timothy 5:17  and 1 Thessalonians 5:12  both speak of the management/practical rulership of the elders over the affairs of the church. An important part of the elders' meeting, then, must be given to ministry management. This involves details of stewardship like the best expenditures of time, energy, money, and spiritually gifted people. The elders will also have to review aspects of church life such as small group ministry, evangelistic strategies, corporate prayer, necessary changes in corporate worship, church staff management, oversight of deacons, church budget, major expenditures to present to the church for consideration, other ministries for the church to support/partner with, doctrinal questions/issues that are rising, and so on. Part of this management is constantly asking, "Do we need to decide this, or is this something we can entrust to reliable people (like the deacons)?"

Conduct

The Chairman:  The elders should elect a chairman whose primary responsibility will be to organize and run elders' meetings, and to communicate the elders' decisions to the church at members' meetings. The chairman should be a gifted administrator and a winsome and strong leader able to discern when it is time during the meeting to move on to the next agenda item. He does not "steamroll" the elders to achieve the agenda, but neither does he allow individual elders to hijack the meeting and lead it down rabbit trails. There is a subtle balance. The chairman does not need to be the senior pastor, and in many cases it is best that he not be.
The Agenda: In the days leading up to the elders' meeting, the chairman should facilitate the process of drawing up the agenda. He should do this in conjunction with the other elders by group e-mails and other communication tools available. This agenda can be amended during the meeting (it's not the "Law of the Medes and Persians"), but it's best to try to get the items figured out ahead of time.
Frequency and Duration of Meetings: Elders' meetings should take place frequently enough to allow for close shepherding of the flock. John Calvin's consistory met every week for many hours. Our meetings are twice a month. Others may be able to meet monthly or some other frequency. The goal is to be active and energetic in the shepherding of the church. The meetings themselves will last for many hours, given the four areas to attend to. The elders should not begrudge this time and should give themselves fully to it. On the other hand, the chairman should be sensitive to the fatigue level of the elders and not drag the meetings beyond what would be productive. There is a special level of commitment needed to be a lay elder, who spends the whole day in employment outside the church and then lovingly serves the church in the evening at such a meeting. This commitment only the Lord can adequately reward!
The Manner of Conduct: The elders should consistently seek to act in a Spirit-filled manner, carrying themselves in a way that displays the fruit of the Spirit of Galatians 5:22-23 . The elders should treat each other with godly deference, considering others' needs as more important than their own, and treating others as better than themselves (Philippians 2:3-4 ). The elders should speak only what is helpful for building others up, both the other elders at the meeting and the church generally in the decisions being made. The meetings can get very, very long if elders don't govern their tongues and filter out what they're about to say. They should avoid being repetitious or stubborn.
Unity: The elders should always seek to act in unanimity, being "perfectly united in mind and thought" (1 Corinthians 1:10 ). When there is a disagreement, there should be special effort made to understand the differing viewpoints. It is almost certain that, among godly and Spirit-filled leaders, each differing party has something important to say that will contribute to the final understanding of an issue. Thus the whole group should be willing to listen carefully to one or two dissenting elders. Conversely, the dissenting elders should be humble enough to trust the Spirit's leading through the group and support the final decision in faith. Any disagreements should be bathed in prayer, with frequent recourse to relevant Scriptures. All major decisions should be submitted to the formality of a vote, seeking unanimity within reasonable efforts made to achieve it. All elders should warm-heartedly support the decision out in public in the life of the church.

Awesome Role

By the astounding grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the elders have been entrusted with the awesome role of "undershepherds" of his flock. This ministry is done collectively; therefore, the elders must meet together regularly to carry it out. The elders must consecrate themselves to the glory of God and the good of his people, and carry out the shepherding, prayer, discernment, and management tasks entrusted to them. As they do so, they should conduct themselves as Spirit-filled men who seek unity and true understanding of each other's minds. May God use this article to make your elders' meetings as fruitful as possible for his glory.
Andrew Davis is the senior pastor at First Baptist Church in Durham, North Carolina, and a Council member for The Gospel Coalition.